Stop projecting your feelings about yourself onto God. Don’t assume He has the negative thoughts about you that you have about yourself. God does not think the way you think. He does not see you the way you see yourself. Let God speak for Himself.
My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them.
Will your life always be this way? No, it won’t. Not unless you keep it pointed in the direction it’s headed. A radically different life requires making radically different choices. Often God prepares us for receiving His blessings by requiring that we fight our way to the place where they are.